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Review: The Secret of Chimneys

(Contains spoilers!)

go_leafs_nation 07 Jul 10 at 5:12 a.m. GMT

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Well, I saw The Secret of Chimneys. I’m really not that much of a fan of AC’s original book—in my humble opinion, the sequel that follows it, The Seven Dials Mystery, is infinitely better, whereas this book is pretty forgettable, despite its spirited protagonist, Bundle Brent, being a fairly memorable heroine. The adaptation bears such little resemblance to the original novel, however, that a list of similarities would probably be less time-consuming to create. (Among the changes, the murderer’s identity is entirely changed.)

Before I proceed, I’d just like to say I love the people at PBS. Those wonderful folks to their very best to shorten every episode of Poirot or Marple by about ten minutes and then try so very hard to ruin the sound as much as possible. The result is a production where the story feels choppy, rushed, and incomplete, whereas the music is far louder than anything the actors say. Congratulations, PBS— you did an even better job of muddling things up than you did with Nemesis—and that’s saying quite a bit.

Actually, the film starts with the most unintentionally hilarious murder scene I think I’ve ever seen. Imagine this: it’s a party in 1932, and while the guests revel outside, a maid is being an over-romantic little fool and is waltzing by herself, while two shadows are engaged in a passionate dance which soon becomes something more than just a dance. (Nudge, nudge, say no more.) She hears someone coming, and in horror, tries to get this someone to turn back. This is the simply hilarious part: this person shoves her aside, and she stumbles and is impaled upon some decorative iron fleur-de-lys kind of thing. Darn, I can’t remember the word for it. Anyway, this is simply a hilarious murder. Did the screenwriter (Paul Rutman, who also penned They Do It With Mirrors) ever take a physics class? Even the most elementary knowledge will suffice. It takes a huge amount of force to actually impale someone in such a fashion. The maid is just pushed aside. The way the camera then pans over to show that she has been impaled just emphasizes the hilarity of the whole situation.

Now, the way PBS butchered the audio, I had the whole thing blasting out on max on the speakers, and I still struggled to hear a lot of what the actors said. Either way, Bundle Brent is no longer the spirited young girl Christie imagined— she is a spinster type, embittered at the entire world for not being the way she’d like it to, I guess. She doesn’t snap at people, bite anyone’s head off, or anything like that, but you get the feeling she’d like to. It’s an entirely different character, and I can’t help but feel that Charlotte Salt, who played Lady Virginia, should’ve played Bundle. She has the original character’s energy and liveliness. She could pull it off.

But no, she plays Virginia, who, in just as hilarious a sequence as the opening murder, is nearly raped. I am not being insensitive here— it is genuinely (albeit unintentionally) hilarious. The way the “masked bandit” pursues her through the park (after she bites him)… Dashing Anthony Cade jumps to her defence and punches him out, screaming “Don’t you ever touch mother’s bicycle!” Funny. There’s a young lady in distress here, and you knock someone out because of Mummy’s bike? But apparently, it’s charming, and Virginia instantly falls in love.

We are treated to the obligatory scenes between Virginia and George Lomax, who wants her to marry him. “You’ve only known Cade for a fortnight!” he exclaims, while Virginia snaps back “Well his mother’s got a jolly nice bike!” Oh yes, we have a modern-day Romeo and Juliet here. Honestly, Paul Rutman overplays the whole thing. And I just love how Anthony, arrested, grabs the wheel of the police car, escapes from the back, and makes a whole heartfelt speech about how he’ll find the diamond and then give it to Virginia, who swoons a bit, and then Miss Marple declares that of course, that clears him. It’s proven his innocence!

Among all the changes, Treadwell becomes a woman (hey, this way, Michelle Collins gets a role!). Then she dies, poisoned. (The plot point that is used here is a blatant ripoff from 4:50 From Paddington, only the way the food is poisoned is different.) Miss Marple goes on about what might’ve killed her—she must’ve been poisoned by something other than the others, since nobody else has died. Hello! Has anyone ever heard of an autopsy before? I hear they can detect poisons now!

And then, there’s flourishes that are so silly, it’s funny. A model of Chimneys is built, for instance, and used in the same way S.S. Van Dine would use a diagram. “X claims he was here, Y claims she was there, but really, either of them could’ve killed Z!”

The plot is contrived and silly. The solution to several “mysteries” is so blatantly obvious, the only surprises (and these are basically minor) come from things that are not clued very well or not at all (but hey, it could be among the excised material our chums at PBS threw out). The victim’s dying words, for instance, are explained at the end—even Ellery Queen would’ve raised an eyebrow at the explanation that is provided. It is so silly and not clued into at all. But it provides a great opportunity for sappy music and a moment between killer and the-victim-that-was-unintentionally-but-psychologically-and-emotionally-hurt-by-the-murders-and-that-hurts-so-much-more.

Okay, I’m being really harsh and sarcastic, but I guess that’s just my style. The whole thing is farcical, overdone, really silly, and not really much of a mystery. And yet, for some strange, perverse reason, despite the fragmented story and butchered sound, it was surprisingly entertaining. Don’t ask me what quality made it so— I myself am left scratching my head. But I did enjoy myself. Purists will undoubtedly lynch me for saying so.

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Tommy_A_Jones 22 Oct 11 at 1:22 p.m. GMT

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I can't agree that The Seven Dials is better than The Secret of Chimneys, The Secret of Chimneys has so much and while I do like the Seven Dials and it has all the Elements of a book I like, Last words, Great Characters it also has the Tired old fall-back having someone who you thought was a Sleuth being the Murderer which is a ploy AC useed afew times although this was far from the worst example, In some ways The Seven Dials is the complete Opposite of The Secret Adversary in that book the Secret Society was bad in this book it was good, in that book the young man (Tommy) was good in this one the young man (Jimmy) was bad. The Secret of Chimneys was more of a Caper and had more to keep the Reader excited, I like The Seven Dials but like The Secret of Chimneys more.

popbubble 22 Oct 11 at 11:59 a.m. GMT

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The foxglove poisoning was from the herb of death, but I think the body in the mausoleum was from the 4:50 from Paddington. I agree that the book was not one of the best, but if the film was just a little more like the book, it would have been a lot better. And the changing the killer to the father was unnecessary, because the changed it to the murderer from the herb of death. 

Puffinjill 25 Jul 10 at 8:37 a.m. GMT

If you did, it would be Nurse Jill to the rescue!!! I shall be on hand with a bandage and a soothing bedside manner for Mr R A and direct you to your local A and E!!

MissQuin 24 Jul 10 at 8:52 p.m. GMT

The thought would never have occured to me, I assure you Jill!  I might do us (RA and I) a serious injury!

Puffinjill 21 Jul 10 at 2:23 p.m. GMT

I expect you'd throw yourself in front of him hoping to catch his eye! Mmmmmm, I think you need watching.....

MissQuin 21 Jul 10 at 10:02 a.m. GMT

Oh Mon ami, I'm not dangerous, I jest too much. I'd be more likely cast as a tragic victim. Knocked over by Richard Armitage on his roller skates no doubt.

Puffinjill 21 Jul 10 at 8:24 a.m. GMT

I'd still choose Richard Armitage even if he only had roller skates! But I do believe we are beginning to see a more dangerous side to your nature, MissQuin........

MissQuin 20 Jul 10 at 2:31 p.m. GMT

I was joking! Of course if I was a Chrisite character I would marry him for his 4 rolls, then use poison to inherit them. But i would never do such a thing!  

demelzabunny 20 Jul 10 at 6:23 a.m. GMT

MissQuin

Well your welcome to him! I much prefer Richard Armitage! If Jonas Armstrong had 4 rolls, well I would fancy him.

My goodness, how mercenary of you!

MissQuin 14 Jul 10 at 3:16 p.m. GMT

Well your welcome to him! I much prefer Richard Armitage! If Jonas Armstrong had 4 rolls, well I would fancy him.

demelzabunny 13 Jul 10 at 9:13 p.m. GMT

MissQuin

Mon dieu! What a load of old rubbish. The episode I mean- not your review, leafs!

Virgina is a strong character in the book. Poor defenceless female has to be saved by big, strong man? Sounds like a Victorian melodrama. If any man attacked her, she'd whip out a pearl handled revolver and smartly give them a leg full of lead!  Jonas Armstrong is not my ideal man. I'd steal his bike and ride off into the arms of another young man, who has a car.

I read another review on IMBD- someone from Italy, thumbs up to you if your reading. Miss Marple's friends were a wild set? Surely not... Rape, impalement, ageing Bundles, do they think this is entertaining?

I didn't like the Chimney book much either actually. But it was readable and at least fun. I did like some of the characters like Bundle, Bill and Battle.

Hold on..they made a model of Chimneys? Is this true? There's a mad murderer on the loose and you have time to make little models?

Has it occurred to you, MissQuin, that Sir Anthony Cade, the GORGEOUS lad on the bike to whom you refer, probably has a Rolls at his disposal?  I thank you kindly for rejecting Jonas Armstrong, for that means HE'S ALL MINE!!!

MissQuin 12 Jul 10 at 4:05 p.m. GMT

I'm so naive! I thought that the point of the TV adaptation of Marple, were they hope that as many people as possible will watch the shows. It means big ratings =£$. Oh and the same goes for DVD sales.

But no, it seems the makers only want to annoy us Christie fans as much as possible! It makes us switch off in droves and run to our computers for long, rants against the injustice of it all. How many people out there have given up on the "All new" Marple, because it's so bad?

I had high hopes for mcKenzie, but the adapts are getting worse than any of the McEwans. I never thought Sittaford could be supassed in it's utter drivel. But I was wrong!

I don't know why I'm bothering to type this! I really don't believe they care about what AC fans think of the episodes. 

But do non Chrisite book fans enjoy the series? Well I'll have do a bit of research on that. But I would have thought that the majority of viwers would have read her books.

GKCfan 12 Jul 10 at 5:19 a.m. GMT

The Pale Horse hasn't even been finished yet as far as I know... I think it's in post-production

go_leafs_nation 12 Jul 10 at 3:52 a.m. GMT

The unintentional hilarity is brilliant. It's like Bridget in Murder is Easy always working everything around her.

"So why did you kill General Leopold?"

BRIDGET: "Because... of me... I was asking him questions!"

"Yes, and that's why Constable Ernest had to die... And Peter Wheeler... And Joe McGuire... You killed them all."

BRIDGET: "I must have stirred up memories of old sins..."

It left me laughing. Why pop off half the village if you could just get her to kick the bucket, since, according to her at least, she was the cause of it? That and I can't take the killer's character at all seriously- the person sounds like they're 12.

Basically, this is the Murder is Easy of Series 5. Unintentional hilarity abounds in a failure of a remade plot, and yet for some strange reason, it's somehow entertaining.

For those who want me to review The Blue Geranium, I'm afraid I won't be able to for the foreseeable future. My computer decided it would die on me, and despite my desperate attempts to revive it, it refuses to do anything- won't recognize the mouse or the keyboard anymore and it took 72 attempts (literally) to get it to do that much. I'm currently on another computer, hoping against hope that somehow, my computer will come out of it all alright.

In other news today, I noticed that Amazon lists Series 5 with only THREE discs/movies... What the devil has happened to The Pale Horse? Have the literary gods been merciful after all and dumped all copies of it in the sewer?

MissQuin 11 Jul 10 at 12:27 p.m. GMT

Mon dieu! What a load of old rubbish. The episode I mean- not your review, leafs!

Virgina is a strong character in the book. Poor defenceless female has to be saved by big, strong man? Sounds like a Victorian melodrama. If any man attacked her, she'd whip out a pearl handled revolver and smartly give them a leg full of lead!  Jonas Armstrong is not my ideal man. I'd steal his bike and ride off into the arms of another young man, who has a car.

I read another review on IMBD- someone from Italy, thumbs up to you if your reading. Miss Marple's friends were a wild set? Surely not... Rape, impalement, ageing Bundles, do they think this is entertaining?

I didn't like the Chimney book much either actually. But it was readable and at least fun. I did like some of the characters like Bundle, Bill and Battle.

Hold on..they made a model of Chimneys? Is this true? There's a mad murderer on the loose and you have time to make little models?

GKCfan 09 Jul 10 at 3:41 a.m. GMT

I am also really enjoying your reviews!

shanty_sleuth 09 Jul 10 at 2:33 a.m. GMT

Yes, I've also enjoyed your reviews. I don't think I disagree with any of your opinions, to be honest. I look forward to hearing about your thoughts on The Blue Geranium, and - when it airs - Murder on the Orient Express.

McGinty 08 Jul 10 at 7:31 a.m. GMT

I've really enjoyed reading all your reviews goleafs, and I'm hoping that now the World Cup is almost over ITV will finally start showing some of these episodes in the UK

go_leafs_nation 07 Jul 10 at 8:20 p.m. GMT

Thanks! I've also recently written about The Mirror Crack'd and Hallowe'en Party.

Yes, that's true, but the one-person-dies-from-a-dinner-which-made-others-slightly-ill reminded me more of 4:50 From Paddington, considering how the poison was administered to just that person in the novel.

SPOILERS!

Poison in the tea, liquids with liquids, that kind of thing.

shanty_sleuth 07 Jul 10 at 7:57 p.m. GMT

Very good review, go leafs. Although the dinner poisoning is more or less pulled from the short story, The Herb of Death, in which foxglove leaves are mistaken for sage, but in reality the murderer put their digitalis heart medication into the victim's soup. Rutman was very clever, because he essentially blended a short story into this adaptation.